The Lady House Surgeon Pt-5

None could ever find it.

You have never seen and

Never known what poverty is

And how poverty goes to live.

You have been brought up in

The lap of luxury

And I will be the last person to

Play hell with your life.

For my personal pleasure

And benefits

The ball is still in your court,

Play as you like.

I fear ,

I may be tempted to go selfish.”

These words had driven her

Into the depth of despair,

And she displayed

All the classic symptoms

Of depression and felt betrayed,

As he had abused her

Trust in him.

She became cold,

Aloof and distant

Prerna,”I have never come

To expect this kind of behaviour

From you, I have failed to know

What stuff you are made of

And I could never imagine

That you can be so cruel to me.

Dr. Jha,”Sometime you

Have to be cruel to be kind.”

Dr. Prerna,” That was not an

Auspicious moment.

When we first met each other,

And when I was caught up

In your cobweb of false love,

Morass of your

Lies and deceit.

It was a sheer folly

That I really thought

I could trust you

I feel you have sucked me all dry

As a bee sucks a flower

Completely dry, then it leaves the flower

For another.”

The Bee is helpless due to its nature

To flutter from flower to flower.”

This Line made his heart

Flutter and fibrillate like anything,

And he thought and felt,

It is impossible to be freed

From the fetters of her deep love,

Innocence and ignorance.

He told,” You don’t know the bee

Who often got stuck in a flower,

When the flower goes to close

Its  petal in the evening.

It tries hard and hums

Out for the whole night,

But it never bites it out.”

All though strictly prohibited

To play on a transistor

In the campus but still

A lay man  switched on

His transistor in which a song

Of Sahib Biwi aur Gulam

Was going on

Main tumhri dasi janam ki pyasi

Tumhi ho mera shringar pritam.

Tumhare raste ki dhool lekar

Main maang aapni sada bharungi,

Na jao saiyan chhura ke bahiyan

Kasam tumahri main ro parungi,

‘’Jo mujhse akhiyan chura rahe ho

To meree itni araz bhi soon lo

Piya meree yeh araj bhi soon lo.’’

The sister cried out,

‘’Who is there? Stop it.

Please don’t make it a fish market.

Some doctors are there.

In the chamber, keep silence

Sister walks into the chamber

Unbidden.

And saw both in flood of tears

She felt and realized

For a fraction of a second that

True love is really,

A game of tears,

And never of happiness.

Sister,”Please excuse me, Sir.

I have come to inform you that

I have finished all my ward-works.”

Dr. Jha told,”But sister,

I have yet to finish,

We are still swimming in the midstream.”

Dr. Prerna, “Leave it for another day.

It has started getting dark

 Dr. Jha,”Please come to enjoy a boating

Tomorrow evening

I have to talk to you

Much more in this regard.”

Dr. Prerna,”No more boating

No more cheating.”

I have now developed

Hatred for and aversion to boating.’’

One fine morning Dr. Jha came to know

That she slipped away home

From P.M.C.H without informing anybody,

She could have let him know that

She was leaving for home

To see her ailing mother

He was so fed up with her attitude that

He could simply scream like a baby

Who after waking up from sleep finds its mother missing.

 Dr. Jha came to know from one of her closest friends

That she had got to marry a

Well settled engineer

Of the same caste

And the same state.

His friend added,

The engineer is  conservative,

And didn’t allow her

To continue further studies,

Job in any hospital

Or even a private practice,

The more shocking news was that

Prerna’s mother died

Of a severe heart attack

Within a week

Of her marriage.

Dr. Jha heaved a deep sigh

And laid down himself on the bed.

He feels none to be blamed

 except himself

For the erroneous and erratic advice

Which he thrust upon

And compelled her to

Marry to the engineer.

Against her will

Now he realized that

Marriage is really made in heaven

Never on earth.

Now he feels and blames her

That she took a hasty decision,

And left him to suffer

When man gets even the costliest thing

In life in an easy way

The thing goes to lose its charm

And if that thing is lost

Or goes out of reach

Then only he appreciates

The quality and utility of that thing.

Dr. Jha couldn’t know that

Everything doesn’t go fare and square

In Love and war

It was just stupid,

Downright, dreadful, dangerous & detrimental

To the peace of his mind.

He was knowing everything

But he was none-the-wiser.

He fails to make out

Whether she was hurt by

His behavior

Or wrong advice.

He stares at the roof keeping

His eyes wide open and thinks,

“Some one comes in life

Becomes the beat of the heart

And then deserts

Only to make life more miserable,

More than hell

What a peculiar

Rule of life

What was its need

How fine I was before,

His friends called him

And gave him solace and said,

“Life doesn’t run

By love alone,

Forget all about that.”

But to Dr. Jha

Life is nothing

But a few moment of sincere love

Which he had had.

Now he doesn’t want

To have any pleasure

In life.

Dr. Jha got himself admitted

Into the M.S. course in general surgery

In P.M.C.H in the mere hope

That Prerna would come

For her M.S. course

In P.M.C.H

For Dr. Jha,

P.M.C.H looks completely different

Than it was before,

When Prerna was there.

Everything looks colourless & charmless.

Not only his heart

But his whole world gave

A deserted look,

Even the buildings

Of the campus looked  him

Pale and sad, he felt loneliness

In the street of the campus

And he found the girls’ hostel

Desperately silent,

With a deserted look with

No charm and no glamour

He feels her absence & murmurs,

How nice it is

To be an infant

He feels like going back home.

Life is an emotional journey

Things do not change

But look different

Due to change  in emotions

And feelings

It was too hot and stuffy

In the campus

And his heart was too thirsty

Only for a glimpse of

Dr. Prerna

But she didn’t come

Even for once,

But neither the time stopped to roll down

Nor the chain of events came to a halt.

He did M.S. in the normal course of events.

All his friends in P.M.C.H left by then

To join services at home and abroad

At different places.

He also got a letter to join in England

But his soul didn’t allow him

To leave the country

Where Prerna lived

 At last he got a joining letter.

He was to join at Dumka

Within a week.

He was not in a position to

Decide what to do.

Now only two days were left

He was sitting in the college canteen,

All by himself, in the open terrace,

Towards the Ganges,

He was feeling grim

That afternoon

Sipping at tea and smoking.

Cigarettes after cigarettes.

It was perhaps his misbelief that

Burning of cigarettes will lessen

The burning of his heart.

But the more he smoked

The more burning at heart

He felt.

It was a windy afternoon,

The Ganges was not quite calm and quiet.

It was heard just like Babbling of brooks.

The sun faded away,

Darkness descended, and the gloom

Of his mind deepened.

He wore a completely downcast mood.

With a puzzled look

And was lost recapitulating

How the wind of

Sorrow and miseries

Blew and washed away

His golden nest, and

Golden world of love,

And left him nowhere.

But he was still standing still,

Still on the same place

Looking for the same nest,

But he finds the

Scenario changed and different.

Now, There was none

To whom he can show

His wound of heart,

And can expect a good dressing.

He wants to keep mum

And to cover  himself

With a thick blanket of silence.

At times,

He suspects, and apprehends

A malignant transformation

In simple wounds of his heart

As the wound is very very chronic

Has lost his mobility,

Has become hard and fixed

To the memory of Prerna

Does not heal even after

Simple and ordinary treatment,

Bleeds on touch as tears.

Pain has developed

On the chronic painless ulcers

Which indicates inoperability

He rebuffs himself, and

Realizes at last-

‘It is really bad

To be a doctor.’

At times he feels her body-fragrance

Which alarms and alerts him

And he

Becomes hopeful and cheerful

Turns back and looks all around

But gets all dejected

All dismayed and all in vain.

Brain is a peculiar computer

Which retains in its memory

Not only photo and sound

But fragrance and smell also.

This phenomenon is known

In medicine as hang-over

And this is found with many drugs

Like eather,opium,moodelevators

And many CNS depressants,

And in surgery happens

With amputation of limbs

And is known as ghost pain.

It is a common post-operative

Phenomenon with many patients

Taking eather during surgeory.

Months and months after taking eather

one feels the smell of eather,

Nauseates and even vomits.

At times picture of Prerna

Flashes saying,’’Dr.Jha

Life floats on faith.’’

At times her smiling face

Flashes saying’’Don’t be so sad,

Life is a gift by God

Enjoy every moment of it.

I want you to be enerjetic,invigorating

And smiling as before.

Let not the happy stream

Of your love run dry.

Beauty is equally distribuated

Everywhere on  earth

One should have

Eyes to appreciate

And heart to feel.

The earth knows no dearth.

He waited all the moment

All the days

All the months and years.

In the fond hope that

She would come again

And bring spring to P.M.C.H.

It is drizzling,

The manager comes to request him

To come inside,

But he says.” I am all okay

And all comfortable.

Leave me here,

It’s all soothing,

Listens to a song going on radio

Of the canteen,

Chal re sajnee

Ab kya soche

Kajra na bah jaye

Rote-rote.

Which means daughters are born

To vacate their parents’ house.

Student are admitted to leave

Their Alma-Mater.

No use lamenting about

And weeping over this

So that, beauty and charms

Of one’s life may not be

 Washed away with tears.

Eventually he decided

To salute P.M.C.H for good,

Where he became a man,

Got a life and lost the same,

He has to join services at Dumka in Bihar.

  While in service he was always busy.

Govt. Projects came one after another

And he was very busy from

Dawn to dusk, and

Never got time to think

Even for himself.

Now Dr. Jha has retired

And has grown pretty old

With wrinkles all over his face

And slight trembling

Of hands and heads,

Walks with stick due to severe

Osteoarthrosis and diabetic neuropathy

Has become bald headed, still her memory

Comes off and on, when

He is alone in pensive mood

Or sits by fire, in biting cold,

In wintry nights.

He gets up early in the morning,

Gets dolled up, behaves smartly,

Like a young medico,

In cheerful mood,

It is about forty years thereabout

Since then he had not had

Even a glimpse of her face.

But he believes at heart that

Prerna is alive, hale and hearty.

At his heart beats soundly.

Hope gives the real pleasure

Of life.

In old age when everyman

Neglects and avoids

Life ends when one loses hope.

He also came to feel

That life rotates

around a lady,

As the Earth rotates around

The Sun,

And brings changes

Like weathers.

At times,

Happiness and pleasures,

At times,

Sorrow and miseries.

She never met him

Neither in P.M.C.H

Nor on the road to life,

Except once in his dreams,

“A lady came walking up

Closer and closer

At a secong glance,

He was sure that she was Prerna.

And none else.

A great sense of relief,

Pleasure and happiness

Flooded over him

Only to see her in person.

Years of dark nights of separation

Passed by, when the meeting

With prerna came as a full moon.

She was gorgeously dressed up,

With a heavy make-up

Of her face but the only thing

That was drastically lacking

Was the smile on her lips,

The trait of her life

And the salt of everyone’s life

Mind is the gateway of life,

And smile is the signal

Of mind’s all-happy-goings

It struck to the mind of Dr. Jha

That all is not well

With Mrs. Prerna

She came and showered him

With tears,

And told him weepingly,

“I have failed to adjust

The engineer is not a suitable fellow

He is quite a different man

With different view and different behavior.

He understands only the language of money

And never of love.

He is more than a conservative,

Keeps strong watch over me,

And never lets me free.

I tried my level best

To mend his way

But there is no room

For improvement.”

Where language didn’t matter

Could assent that matters much

Dr. Jha,” When you can adjust

With such a simple and ordinary fellow

Like me, why not with that engineer

Who can bring the whole world

To your feet.

I just cant believe it.”

Prerna,” Trees, birds and animals

Are simple and ordinary.

They enjoy the blessings of nature

So much that they become an integral part of it.

An Ordinary person is really

Appreciable as he is devoid of tensions,

And complications of fast life.

Only one should have the eyes

To see and appreciate

Only ordinary and simple people

Can live the sacred and satisfied life

The mother of all surprises is that

Truth is nothing but god himself,

But naked in form,

And simplicity is the dress

Which no one, but

God wears

And ordinary are the ways

Of His life.

One can’t find

More ordinary  and simple human beings

Than Buddha, Mahavir, Jesus

And Gandhi

They accepted themselves

As they were

They never longed

To be  very big engineers,

Doctors, bureaucrats and politicians.

And to amass huge wealth.

I couldn’t find anything

Wrong with you,

Even in your rude behavior

Actually, I used to feel

A unique sense of pleasure.

You laughed for me

You wept for me

You used to be happy

Only to please me.

You used to be rude

Only for my benefit

I am sure

I will be happy

Even in hell with you.”

Dr. Jha,” Please leave it prerna,

I know your feelings.

You weigh much heavier

For me,than all the golds,

The prestige and position of the worlds

God alone knows

How I passed my days

Without you.

Prerna, Please tell me frankly,

What you want me to do.

I don’t desire to take anything from you

But I want

To bestow upon you my everything

My existence without you

Carries no sense, no meaning

I feel, and find, nothing like me,

Mine and I, everything is yours

Nothing should come in the way

Do as you like

Play as you wish

Prerna,” let us leave for England for good

 I can’t stay here anymore

I had been feeling

Suffocated here

Since my marriage day

I have come after leaving everyone behind

But I fear you are difficult to please,

But I wouldn’t listen to you”

Dr. Jha.”Oh! Please ,

You need not be

So serious and sentimental,

I am still alive.”

Prerna,” Please hurry up,

Or they will follow and heckle me,

Which I don’t want.

I have neither believed in

Nor seen any God as yet,

But I had been worshipping you.

Since we first met each other

At the time of admission,

In Prince of Wales medical college, Patna.

I alone know,

What stuff you are

Made of. Actually

You are a classical song

Which few people can appreciate

And relish.”

In no time they were setting out for London

&

Took off from Bombay.

When they were about to land,

Their aeroplane crashed.

And they both turned into a round

Mass of thoroughly charred flesh.

Difficult to differentiate,

And Tedious to Bifurcate,

For anyone even for her husband

And father.

They were recognized only by

Necklace , rings, watches

And buckles of the belt.

Prerna’s Transistor was thrown

At a distance

And its plastic case

Was torn & broken

No doubt,

But it was still on with a song,

“Aao kho jayen sitaron

Men kaheen,

Dhundh na le ye duniyan

Ye jameen

Chalo dildar chalo

Chand ke par chalo”.

Loves burns at both the ends

Insects do burn,

But candle is never spared,

Which  also burns it-self

To none existence,

Man dies but memory enlivens.

Even today when he happens to be all alone in pensive mood and remembers and recollects his days -spent -in -youth in medical college with Prerna he stops suddenly ,stands still ,looks vacant ,lifeless and speechless for a very little while as if he were a clinical case of Jacksonian epilepsy . 
The poor fellow, Dr Jha fails to understand that days-spent-in-youth and true love are never repeated in life .